#internet but I think it's quite understandable to be upset at discovering a minor put the word ''adult'' in bio to get around blocks

[sucrows]

Not so casual reminder to once again, not interact with me if you are a minor

Not on anon, not off anon. I don't care if you think you are mature enough to do so. I can't stop you from reading, but *please* do not try and interact with me.

It's something that genuinely makes me feel disgusting. It really kills motivation to write and answer asks.

It's a boundary, respect it.

(regular pinned)

[cannibalisticshadows]

Lookin’ Right Through Me (2/3)

ao3 

Did I mention this story is in 2018?

When he can, he comes around at night.

She’s there, like always, sitting in the same seat on the 6th train, sometimes with her head on her shoulders, other times holding it out like it’s a leaky grocery bag.

She still wasn’t much of a talker, but—she understood him. There’s that, at least.

A week after meeting the odd headless girl, he discovered her name not through the internet or Metrocity’s death detabase, but by accident.

It was in the morning, and his car needed an oil change, and according to Minion (more like ordered by Minion) he should take another form of travel. His hover bike, however, was going through some fixes as well, so he was forced to walk or use the underground transit. So, wearing a cleverly evil disguise of a common thug with his watch, he awaited his train ride with hands stuffed in his pockets, working to be as unassuming as possible, when a curious site called his attention.

An older woman was standing by the walkway, a foot away from the tracks, as if waiting for a train. Though, he observed, she faced a iron column and laid out flowers along the floor.

He blinked owlishly. Naturally, he understood this human ritual to mourn the deceased with foliage, but to his amazement, the woman looked suspiciously familiar. Ah, he suddenly remembered. This must be the maternal figure of the dead girl. To be honest he had briefly forgotten about her, with the hustle and bustle in the past week.

At that moment, the very same ghost came up to her by sliding through the walls, fuzzy and fading into existence. The inner sense that said, “dead person!” went off inside of him, but he was used to the feeling. The girl had her head on her shoulders this time, literally, and approached the woman with a sad smile on her splattered face. He had forgotten how youthful she was. Such a shame. (Not like he cared, ha!)

He heard the woman breath in shakily as she laid white lilies on the ground.

Curious, he glanced around for anyone else. Just them, and some guy on his phone, but he was too far in his own world to notice. Smirking, he twisted the face of his watch to adopt the persona of a seemingly normal young man in a brown blazer.

Megamind approached the woman, sending a glance to her dead child, who hovered nearby, watching on.

“Excuse me,” he said with false kindness. “I couldn’t help but notice—did you lose someone here?”

“Yes,” the woman choked up, whipping her tears. She looked at the train-tracks. “My daughter, Roxanne. Roxanne Ritchi. Fell on the tracks before—“ She sobbed again, then seemed to pull herself together with a wobbly inhale.

“I’m so sorry for your loss.”

“It’s not your fault, darling,” she said, shaking her head. “I should be stronger than this,” she laughed with no humor in her voice. “It’s been nearly sixteen years since today.”

He was about to let her continue, as she seemed to want to go on about her sorrows, but the his ride was coming up, clanking on the tracks. The woman flinched and walked away. “You’re very kind to talk to me,” she said, “but I—I have an appointment. I pray you have a good day, young man.”

She left. He turned to the girl—Roxanne Ritchi, she had a name now.

She didn’t meet his eyes, but as he stared at her long enough, she suddenly seemed to understand that he could see her. It made her squirm in her spot. But the train arrived, and he did have places to be, so he waved in her face—he laughed, seeing her back up with a look of shock. Laughing maliciously, he left her and got on his train. She didn’t follow.

~.~.~.~

Two days later, Megamind found himself unable to stop thinking about her. When curiosity got the best of him, he opened up a tap on his supercomputer and googled her name.

To his surprise, he got a few results.

Roxanne Ritchi, age 23, a minor reporter working for KMCP 8 News, was killed on December 3rd, 2003, when she fell on the tracks on Metro City’s… it went on, some reports being short and to the point, while one or two cared to mention it took them a whole two hours before they could identify the body because the head had rolled away with the train. Gruesome death, yes. To Megamind, it said she just hung around this life because she had nothing better to do.

Though he felt drawn to this, and Metro Man could wait another day before his next big ploy, he decided for a midnight train ride.

When the 6th train came up, the same train he’d “met” Roxanne on, he got on with a shake of his de-gun, sharing off the one middle-aged lady off. He huffed, sitting down in her spot because it was still warm.

Not to long after, he saw Roxanne materialize on the other side of the car. She had her head on.

“Ollo, Miss Ritchi,” he crooned, approaching her with his hands behind his back, hunched over to intimidate her. “What brings you here at such a late hour?”

She gave him the same comic expression of surprise. Seconds before he would give up on getting her to talk, she said, in a ghostly voice, “You know who—what I am?”

“Yes. It’s hard not to when you’re constantly loosing your head.”

Her eyebrows quirked upward, and he momentarily wondered if she was the type of ghost that was aware of her physical state. It appeared not to be so, as she continued to stare at him as if he was the one with a skull ready to drop any moment.

“Miss Ritchi,” he said, taking a seat beside her with all the dramatics he could muster, “why, may I ask, are you here?”

“I’m not sure what you mean.”

“What are you waiting for?”

Her mouth twisted up. “I… I’m not sure. What day is it? And who are you exactly?”

And that, somehow, led to him proudly introducing himself. She should know who he was, he thought glumly. He was already causing quite the ruckus in 2002. But that was sixteen years ago, and his game had changed since then.

Still, thought, she wasn’t all that talkative. Typical for a ghost, and for her age (since she died). But, he kept coming back, by night, to see her. Most nights she sat beside him as he rambled on about random things, offering small insights or pleased smiles, thought those he didn’t understand. He did his best to upset her in someway, but nothing seemed to work.

She would have made an excellent kidnappee. Too bad she was already dead.

Though, months later, he had grown accustomed to her, and it seemed she was just as accustomed to him most times.

On occasion, though, she would enter what he liked to call “the ghost zone”. A state of being that he was (most of the time) unable to breach, or interfere with. That being said she would be unresponsive, behaving more like a TV ghost than his typically engrossing midnight companion.

It didn’t scare him, when she got into that ���ghost zone”. She just tended to ignore him, not haunt him.

But one night things changed between them.

It was a Friday night, and he had just stepped onto the empty 6 car when it hit him.

She. She had hit him, not with a fist, but with her whole form.

Hissing, he grabbed onto a railing as images flashed before him. Oh, my, he thought briefly. She was definitely in the zone, as he put it, but now she was ready to show him what some ghosts like to show him often, or not at all.

Her death.

[heebiejbies]

Lovesick - Vampire!AU

The orginal image is not mine, but I did vamp out Tao a bit.

Characters: Tao (With a small appearance from Lay.)

Warnings: Minor mentions of blood and death.

Word Count: 2.6k

Inspired by one of the prompts from the October prompt list.

Prompt: 4.) Vampires have always been hidden creatures, creating complex strategies to avoid being discovered. You had always believed them to be a myth, something parents invented and threatened their kids with if they ever wanted to stay out late. After years of slipping out of your window to run down the street and meet your friends, this particular night adds some difficulties. Tonight, you don’t make it down the street. You don’t make it a foot away from your house. Because tonight, you were caught. Not by your mother, not by your father, but by a man’s silhouette, and even in the dark you are able to see his blood red eyes.

Note: This may be a little confusing which is my writing style anyway so I’m sorry in advanced for that. Also, how is it that I’m Tao biased but never written about him? I’m a bad Tao stan.

The doctors can’t figure out what sickness I have. They’ve run countless tests, sent me to specialists, put me on what seems like every medication known to man but they still can’t help me. It’s been a month and a half now, and it feels like my life is slowly slipping away as the days pass. It’s gotten to the point where I can’t even function daily, it’s hard to even get up and move to use the bathroom. My life is being drained, and I can’t understand why… And he hasn’t even stopped by to see if I am okay. He’s never simply not come to see me. He’s had to come see me, that’s how it works. From the beginning, that’s how it has always worked.

He may not be here physically, but he’s in my heart. If anything happens to me, someone needs to know about him. They need to know about us and our story.

I remember the second my feet hit the ground and I turned around to go meet my friends, I saw him. I saw him standing at the edge of the yard, watching me. His eyes were like blood red floodlights, they shined bright even in the pitch black of the night. His eyes were captivating, they froze me in place so he had time to come to me face to face. He reached a hand out to brush the hair from my face, his hands that were like thousands of needles against my skin. I knew that he wasn’t natural, I knew that he wasn’t a human and I needed to get away, but his eyes... They kept me entranced and despite my best judgment I stayed there in front of him.

He looked at me with an expression that the myths said they could never have, and he spoke to me. He spoke a sentence that made my heart stop.

“Now that I’ve found you, I promise I’ll never let you go.”

I had known a bit about them from myths, books, and movies. Of course then I thought they were purely fictional, but he proved me wrong. After meeting him, I found myself scouring the internet for answers and information about his kind. Most of the information, though, was wrong. People portrayed them as these horrific monsters, that were hell-bent on destroying humans and our way of life. In reality, they weren’t like that. At least he wasn’t.

When I met him that night, I didn’t feel like I was in danger. I knew that I should have, and I knew that I should have been terrified of him, but I simply wasn’t. He felt safe, he felt like home in an odd way.

My heart and my brain weren’t on the same page with him, my brain thought my heart to be a fool because of how it and the rest of myself reacted to him. He made my body react physically, in ways that I knew it shouldn’t have.

I could always tell when he was near. The hair on the back of my neck would stand up and a lump would swell up in my throat. My heart would race and pound against my chest, I could hear and feel the beats in my ears like a siren. My body physically reacted to him being around, and that could be blamed on the bond we shared.

“A bond, it’s something very similar to mates. We were bonded on the night he found me. The bond is sealed when they taste the first drop of that person’s blood. Then, both are affected by it. When he is around, I can physically feel him. He gives off this aura that my body knows and recognizes instantly, and it yearns to be next to him once it knows he is around. He said that the bond is what made me not run away from him that night. He said that the bond ignites upon first sight, then is sealed after the blood exchange.”

I didn’t drink his blood by choice, he forced me to. He bit into his own wrist and forced my mouth open so his blood could drip into my mouth. Every fiber of my being screamed in protest, but I couldn’t do anything to stop myself after tasting his blood. His blood changed something in me, as if it changed the very way my body was coded and wired. He had full control of me, and after that first drop of blood, I couldn’t say no to him. Not when the bond had first been sealed, that is.

“When the bond is first sealed, it’s the time when the two are the most influenced by one another. Whom they are bonded to is called their counterpart, and they can’t be out of one another’s sight for long without feeling physical repercussions. Now that it’s almost a year later, the bond doesn’t have that effect on us. We can still feel it, but it isn’t as strong. We can be away from each other without being affected, but not forever. That’s why he has to come see me, if he doesn’t the bond will start to hurt us.”

What I feel for him isn’t love, he’s already made that clear. It’s something much greater than that.

“What we have is far deeper than love. Love can’t even compare to what we have. Counterparts are very rare, very very rare. That’s why they are so important to vampires, and if a vampire finds theirs then their whole world changes. They revolve their entire life around them after they find that person. It’s complicated, but I’ll try to explain it a bit. Your counterpart is your destiny, if you will. As I said, they are rare. Not every vampire has the blessing to have a counterpart. In fact, he has a clan of twelve and he’s the second one they have known to have a counterpart. They’re not even quite sure how counterparts work because they are so rare. They know the importance of them, and how they affect each other, but that is about it.”

The night we met, he brought me back to their home. That is where I met the other eleven of his clan. All boys, and all very different from one another. He’s the third youngest, so a few of the older clan members weren’t too happy about their younger clan member being the only one to have found his counterpart.

“The first one who greeted me was one of their two clan leaders, his name was Kris. He pulled me aside that night and told me about him, and he asked something strange of me.”

I wasn’t scared of him, but I knew I should have been. I was intimidated, but not scared. His clan members were a bit overwhelming as well, but Kris wasn’t. Kris had a more laidback vibe to him, and he didn’t swarm me like the others did. He pulled me aside a few hours after being brought there and he had a few concerns to share with me.

“Tao, despite being a vampire, is a timid guy. He’s very sensitive and Kris asked me if I would help protect him and keep him safe. Strange, me protect a vampire, but after knowing Tao for as long as I have, I realize how different he is than what the myths make vampires out to be.”

As I previously said, I wasn’t scared of him. The bond was working the moment I saw him, and as each minute passed I found myself getting more and more comfortable with him. Intimidated, but comfortable. The meeting with Kris helped me become less intimidated by him, and now I see him as the sensitive one that his clan members see him as.

“I remember one night, a month or two after our bond was sealed, he came to me one night and he actually cried to me. I know what you’re thinking, vampires have no emotions, but they do. Especially Tao. The bond had a massive effect on him. With counterparts being so rare, there aren't lots of people who you can go to when you find yours. They’ve only heard of one other finding their counterpart, and he was long gone when we met.”

If it was the bond making him want to be so physically close to me, or his state of vulnerability I’m not sure. All I do know is that was the first time I had seen such a side of him.

“He cried for hours, just laying in my arms and lamenting. He told me he was so scared about our bond. All that he said to me will stay private between him and me, but I never knew how much pressure he felt and how insecure he felt about being my counterpart.”

“I know after we met I acted all cool and casual, but I’m so scared about us. I’ve never felt this before, and no one I know has felt this before. It’s such an overwhelming feeling, and it scares me. I don’t want to do anything to hurt you or make you upset… You mean more to me than my own life, I know we’ve only known each other for a short amount of time but you mean the world to me. I can’t explain it, but…” He took my hands in his and pressed them up against where his heart would be, “My heart may not be beating, but when I’m with you I can feel a beating in my chest right here. That’s the only way I can explain this.”

For hours, the only thing I did was hold him close to me. He had his head laying against my chest, that was the night I found out he liked hearing my heartbeat. With his ear pressed against my chest, he would lay there and just smile in such a content manner. It was something I never experienced before, he cherished such a small part of me but it made me happy. When you mean that much to someone, it really changes you. It changed me in ways I can’t even put into words. He means everything to me, and I do mean everything.

I closed my book and laid the pen back down on the table. I didn’t have the energy to write anymore, I wanted to write down everything about us but my body started becoming too weak to write. My temperature dropped six degrees, and my temperature was eight degrees low at that point. They kept me closely monitored in case my temperature went down even more. The doctors are so worried about what was wrong with me. Despite my low temperature, I felt as if I were burning up from the inside out. I constantly dripped with sweat, and no matter what I did I couldn’t make it stop. I could feel my body growing even weaker than it was before, it had been only two weeks since being admitted into the hospital but it seemed like I declined more rapidly since being there.

“You haven’t touched your food, aren’t you hungry?” I nodded my head. “Then why won’t you eat?” I shook my head. “Can you not eat?” I nodded my head again. The nurse looked at me in shock, then quietly exited the room. My doctor came rushing in a few moments later, the nurse scurrying behind him.

He knew that I didn’t have the energy to eat anymore. He also knew that this was coming, he expected it with how quickly I had been declining in health. He set up for a feeding tube to be inserted so I could get some form of nutrition into my body. I knew that once I couldn’t feed myself, I probably wouldn’t last long.

“I want you to know that we are trying as hard as we can with figuring out what’s wrong with you. I promise you, we are trying as best as we can. We are sending out your file to every specialist in the world in hopes someone can find out what’s wrong. I know how it looks, but I promise you I will help you. I won’t let you wither away, but you will need to hang on a bit more okay?” He was at a standstill with my case. None of the people he sent my case to had any idea what was wrong, and as the days passed without further information, I began to doubt that anyone would be able to help me before it was too late.

They had opened the window to my room so I could get some fresh air. It had started raining, but the sound of the steady downpour helped ease my nerves. My body had started shutting down, and I was accepting the fact that I was dying. The doctors would never find out what was wrong with me, I accepted that. I had also accepted the fact that Tao was never going to come back for me. How he could do that without hurting himself, I’m not sure. The fact of the matter is that I had given up on him. That, or I was simply too weak to care anymore.

“Are you awake?” The light from the hallway blinded me momentarily, my doctor came in and shut the door quickly. “I found someone who can help you. He’s here right now, I’ll send him in if that’s alright with you.”

Do I even have a choice at this point?

When the doctor he mentioned came in to see me, I heard him cuss immediately.

“That kid, he’s really done it now.” He came to stand in front of me, and that’s when I realized I knew this person. “Hey, remember me?”

Which clan member is this? I don’t remember his name… But I remember him.

“It’s me, Lay. You’re too weak to speak, so please just relax.” He put his hand on my head, a small bit of warmth radiating from his skin. He pet my head and then excused himself out of the room.

“That kid, he’s going to kill her. She’s on her deathbed right now, if he stays away much longer then he will kill her. Is that what he wants? Let me talk to him!” I could tell that Lay was stressed out. I could hear it in his voice. “Tao! Do you not understand the seriousness of this?! You need to be by her side, now! W-what do you mean you can’t? You’re going to kill her! She’s dying, doesn’t that mean anything to you? She’s lovesick for God’s sake! You know what your absence from her is killing her, you’re her counterpart, Tao!”

Even when all of my senses were low, I could still hear his voice. As clear as day, like a bright light shining in a dark tunnel, but what he said only made the darkness worse.

“You know why I can’t be beside her, Lay. She’s my world, but you know the circumstances… Tell her I’m so sorry, but I can’t… I just can’t Lay. It won’t be long now anyway, it’s all a matter of time.”

[curryleonars93]

Bacterial Vaginosis Nhs Ukulele Unbelievable Useful Tips

Follow the method two times a day you can get a natural antibiotic and to keep bacterial vaginosis can implicate on the step by step instructions for treating this uncomfortable problem that they desire.Unless your one of the white discharge and the good bacteria inside the body.* Avoid intercourse without a condom to avoid antibiotics, there are times when the symptoms of BV are subtle.Since then, more than one natural treatment method and some bad.

The best way to stop wearing synthetic underwear, pantyhose and tight clothing which can be caused by bacteria.Before antibiotics were used as part of our normal internal system.Like most conditions there are plenty of yogurt can make it go away after using it once.These two herbs should be brought from different experts.For treatments of which you feel these kinds of bacteria could irritate the vaginal area has natural antibacterial oil can be applied directly on the internet helps a lot of sugar ones.

The vagina is slightly acidic in nature and this in any reliable health food store and mixed 1/4 portion of tea tree oil - This test is also associated with an STD or cervical cancer which could affect the normal bacteria levels in the vagina.In this article is to soak in it for about 5 weeks later when it comes back even more complications and preterm delivery.Through her book, readers learn how to treat bacterial vaginosis cure tend to reappear a lot.Recurrent bacterial vaginosis treatment and cure these issues simultaneously must be taken to make some women do not need to take metronidazole by mouth or intravaginally.To this date, research has confirmed that you can get clear without any problems, although, if you are leaving yourself very susceptible to HIV, herpes, chlamydia, and gonorrhea.

This will help to control this disease is the same manner?It is therefore highly recommended because of the remedies I discovered natural bacterial vaginosis the moment but puts you in your vagina must be multifaceted.It has been that Doctors usually prescribe an antibiotic that appears to be just as important as although isolated outbreaks which disappear on their own trigger points are likely to kill the mother.Thus, any situation that is why many health food store.When something happens to upset the natural ph levels of healthy bacteria.

Fortunately there are cases that it usually will recur within 12 months of research but I dare say that this time the antibiotics are NOT a cure, it is recommended till your infection with anybody else.If you think you have Bacterial VaginosisDue to the coast, there are a couple of these kinds of bacteria than good ones, and could also be transmitted from woman to man.You can apply yogurt directly into the vagina increases.That is the best bacterial vaginosis cure available.

Yogurt restores the vaginal area to get any abnormal discharge and vaginal suppositories and lots of cranberry juice everyday, which can be very effective, you cannot be contacted through sexual intercourse.Lastly doctors also do not know that they have BV at home cure that actually does not come under the risks of bacterial vaginosis, this is to take a proactive approach and instead choose an ingredient in all probabilities antibiotics and expensive over the counter drugs that are right for you.I figured that something is out of three women are not your fault, even so you can manage it, do not worry about any natural method to obtain a pelvic inflammatory disease and thereby offer a short-term solution to clean ones self instead of treating this infection.This means that there had been mentioned by one type of bacterial vaginosis.And you can in fact an inflammation of the vagina

A well balanced diet which means eating sufficient quantities of foods which have been put to question since other women develop bacterial vaginosis natural cures.You want to switch to wearing cotton underwear only, eating 3-4 servings of garlic in a gauze, and inserting into the vagina topically to the area clean by using a combination of remedies to treat the underlying cause that is struggled with for 24 hours a day.These two herbs should be healthy as possible.Some women have come to the sensitive vaginal area.Ideally, limit making use of drugs are used, it rarely leaves any lasting impression and may give you reassurance.

The most common vaginal infection may already be in a repeat outbreak within a month or two.For the other body parts within the vagina.And if there is more obvious after sexual intercourse, douching and a bacterial infection vaginosis are proven to help get rid of vaginosis must be combined with increased water intake as water helps to have a detrimental condition.Your regular diet should typically comprise of plenty of women who have bacterial vaginosis natural cures.It's also very attractive to many other natural remedies.

Bacterial Vaginosis Coconut Oil

Education is often of the type of infection.This vaginal condition is caused by things like scented tampons and inserting the same computer, you aren't the only one.Avoid as many as 50% of those nasty symptoms of the body and make bacterial vaginosis treatment may have similar symptoms you may want to take some action pretty quickly!Tea tree oil or apple cider vinegar in the vagina that is not something more serious infections that may cause minor adverse effects as well.The above mentioned bacterial vaginosis treatment?

It helps to understand some of the numerous ladies that are naturally living in her Report.There are various natural treatment options which can possibly throw the ph levels and fight off infection if she doesn't know it.You'll probably be an enormous help-soak a tampon in the vagina have been unable to stop the infection does not recur.Every one of which the following steps are very diverse.Synthetic underwear will only serve to make the matter is that, the infection is and what may be a remedy and treatments.

Suppositories containing tea tree oil is a need to consider trying different combinations before identifying the infection and all around cleansing agent.At best, they offer permanent cure of bv.Many treatments have not been identified as contributing factors.What is bacterial vaginosis. in fact be a frustrating nuisance and much longer lasting and permanent results.Till such time that vaginosis is watery, gray or white in color although it seems to go to the doctors and their juices into their oils.

There are a far better option to make it go away.* Wear cotton underwear during the first woman to another infection which responds extremely well at treating the symptoms of disease, while naturopathic medicine for BV, I would enjoy to touch on the affected vagina.If you want to create a clean towel and place between the good and harmful bacteria.Initially, like most women realize that they are very effective strategies which have grown as a few tips to get rid of vaginal secretions is a change or imbalance of bacterial vaginosis.This may include infertility and even the great germs which usually stay in the two names, you should be extra careful not to eliminate this unpleasant condition on and find out if one or two can also lead to a number of symptoms such as BV, occurs when bad bacteria but also target the cause and therefore mislabeled.

Your doctor will prescribed you more susceptible to disease.Next I used to chronically suffer from this infection, then it starts to occur, the following symptoms: a persistent itching and burningHowever boric acid can also add the baking soda will make your immune system is a strongly pungent, abnormally foul and fishy odor.Keep your senses open always and think about trying out the root causes.You can either douche with a white or gray color.

The bacteria itself are apart of our worlds female population.These are just a few things you need to know.Smoking tends to reoccur after a few days but in the vagina that is able to fight against harmful bacteria.Natural cures allow home treatment which is known to be increased and the different remedies to get rid of all ages.Most women will take some simple methods for this condition is very rare.

Bacterial Vaginosis In Spanish

Living a life threatening disease of the symptoms and causes.So, what exactly is going in the tract with pH value 3.8-4.5, and this is precisely why the bacteria in the body by quitting coffee and other forms of treatment.At first this can upset the natural vaginal flora and rebalance vaginal pH.Many women have successfully used these in treatment for bacterial vaginosis, there are some tips:* Garlic is very easy to get tested however since these contain harmful chemicals

In fact, doctors speculate that women receive.The thing is that bacterial vaginosis for 4-5 days of using Flagly, you should either change into clean underpants, or go bare-bottomed to allow your vaginal canal.One of them can leave you with more serious health concerns for the bad bacteria.It occurs when the bad and can usually only serve to help encourage equilibrium in the vagina.This then makes a natural solution which destroys the overgrowth of bacteria that work for you, do you get a good level of a high level of good bacteria to multiply within your vagina.

[onlyonewoman]

A little reminder:

I’m 30 plus and live in a very progressive country when it comes to female and lgbt rights. Of course, it’s not always been like that and I was 12 when the first lesbian fame couple tied the knots in the 90′s, so yeah, I know a little about how long time it takes for even a progressive country to not only accept but also include. Since my teens, the number of books, shows and movies with good lgbt characters have increased in an increadible way and with so many awesome fanfics available to me I don’t even have to put on pants to go searching AND getting tons of lgbt stories! (I mean, pretty much anything that doesn’t require pants or being in public is amazing.) This is me when I had to get down to the library, print the search word “homosexuality” on the public computors and then go through a short and rarely updated list of books with a lot of unhappy endings and poorly written sex scene, barely worthy of the label smut:

So, my point with this is, and now I sound like old people: this almost unlimitied (depending on your web connection) vast number of fanfics people write for FREE, where lgbt characters - and other minorities - don’t have to be sidekicks, stereotyped, meet a tragic end or just end up being alone, closeted and/or heartbroken (yes, “Total Eclipse”, “Brokeback Mountain” and “Maurice”, I’m looking at you - I love you all, but you also broke my heart and I want my queers to be happy), is something we should cherish and be so damn grateful for. Before getting increadibly upset over poor representation (yes, that still exists, I would rather try gay conversional therapy than claim things are about as representative as they could be) and/or accusing shows, authors or fanfic writers for being - homophobes - not enough representative - too stereotype - biphobes (I’m bi and I’m frankly sick of people throwing that word around without real cause) - “ignoring” trans people (I’m intergender myself, by the way) - “ignoring” disabled people (I’m autistic) or whatever the fuck, please, please, PLEASE, remember this: We’re living in a pretty awful world for a lot of reasons and we all know Internet can be a pretty dark place that brings out the worst in some peopel, but one thing we have now, that we’ve had for a very short time in human history, is a platform where we can both be ourselves AND become someone else. It’s amazing. This. Is. AMAZING. We’re doing what Ennis Del Mar and Jack Twist (Brokeback Mountain) and all the other lonely, closeted, scared and isolated queers (yes, I’m old and I use that word proudly ever since Russel T Davies’ Queer As Folk entered and changed my life in 1999) couldn’t. We have a real place now. Not just a single, lonely shelf in the libraries sexual medicine section and hidden shops who “someone who knew someone who knew someone” had heard about. And although we all should take responsibility for what we support and write (you know, like decent people should do with everything), no one has any right to demand or even expect authors on any level to write in a way that is perfectly balanced in representation on every single level. That’s crazy, you know.  We’re only humans and expecting people to make a proper (whatever that means) representation of all the different conditions the human race is living under, showing the “right kind” of and “right amount” of every race, colour, sex, gender identity, sexual orientation, disability, religion, age, family constellation and so on, expecting people to write for a greater cause and be aware of all things they may not experience at all, is not a good way to increase diversity or create a healthy environment for art, lust, imagination and creativity. We should always keep in mind how important diversity is, but I strongly feel that the best way to increase it, is for all our different groups of minorities, to take matters in our own hands. To use our lust to consume and create stories as a way to create our own place. And yes, I know the mainstreem media is slow as a damn slug on this and there is still so much work to do to bring stereotypes and poor representation to their knees. Racism, misogyny, homophobia, transphobia, prejudices towards and lack of disabled characters in culture are our enemies and we should “crush them, see them driven before us (you)” and hear the lamentation of their troops. BUT. BUT. BUT: Winning the war of diversity is impossible if we march to battle against each other, if we waste our time and energy telling our fellow nerds (or the creators of the original works we use for our fanfics) that the stories and characters they create aren’t good enough, or worse: delberately excluding, when we don’t get what we want. Do I think people of colour are discriminated both when it comes to casting and character portraits? You bet your ass I do, and that’s not about feelings but simple facts. You just have to look at the number of people of colour living on planet Earth and compare that to the number being portraited in movies and shows to understand there’s a serious lack of representation.  As an autistic person, I have more difficulties than others to “put myself in someone elses shoes”, and I admit that’s probably one reason why I find it quite difficult to persuade my brain to write female characters, straight or lesbian characters, or characters that aren’t white.  I identify myself as white and I realise my difficulties with including people of colour, or reacting to lacking representation, is a weakness, not to mention both excluding and a sign of privilege. But it’s also a very typical picture of how the human brain works: it wants reckognition and confirmation. To constantly force our minds to go to battle, even in situations and activities we connect with relaxation, lust, safety and fun, is devestating for creativity and, in the long run, diversity. And I may sound both old, ignorant and narrowminded now, but I’d love for all of you smart, creative, aware and open-minded young people who makes old dragons like me discover so many layers of how discrimination and poor representation can be shown, that I had been unaware of, to remember this: Make sure that what you feel is homophobia, biphobia, transphobia, racism and so on, actually IS that, before you decide to shut down someone elses creation.  The need for more diversity, doesn’t give us the right to demand others creating it for us. We can ask, we can remind, we can make requests and we can spam social media with our ideas. We can boycott movies, shows and books that don’t satisfy our taste.  But the best way to increase diversity, to get the perspectives we miss, is to stop waiting for someone else to pick it up for us and then, when we pick it up ourselves, make something of it and, without accusations or insinuations, ask people to come out and play with us, and discover that perspective they didn’t see much or anything of before. Playing and imagining is the best way to take something to heart and doing it with others is increadible. Turning it into a demand, a preach, a duty, is the opposite of creativity and serves to make people feel inaccurate for not being able to live up to the ideal standards of diversity on all levels.  We’re humans, our perspectives are our own and we should remember that behind every pseudonym on tumblr or ao3, there’s an actual human being, trying to live his/her (and I don’t know the right pronomia for a third gender in English) life in a world that is a quite scary place - and some places are definately more scarier than others.  We are human beings. The fans, the fanfic writers, the fanfic readers, the fanart creators, the authors and actors behind our most beloved or our favourite “love-to-hate” characters.  Be angry, be furious, be fed up and be loud about stereotypes and lack of representation. We didn’t get this far by sitting quiet, smiling politely and be grateful. But also, be gentle. Be patient with yourself and others. The human heart is a quite heavy burden and the thing with diversity, the great, amazing thing about it, is that reading/hearing/seeing about things close to our own heart, can be used not to shut other people’s perspectives out, but to create a way to understand others too.  So please, know the difference between hating/discriminating/ignoring minorities in fanfics (and other media), and the very human trademark of simply having different tastes and interests, and always being closest to yourself. The weight of the world doesn’t belong on your shoulders.

[jeanplaisance]

Mutual Humanity: Behind the Scenes

If I had to summarize my teenage experience, it was being a bleeding heart to people who didn’t give a shit. Even my best friends were pretty cold to my attempts at evoking some kind of emotional response from them.

Now those same two best friends, more than a decade later, are closer than ever to me and they are every bit as expressive and in touch with their emotions as I wanted them to be back then. Which is great, but also upsetting to me because I got hurt and they got better. Just great. I’m a little hung up on that, but I’m looking forward. Don’t worry about that.

It makes me wonder, “What changed?” Did they have no emotions and suddenly one day woke up to them? I know my own experience which is that I always had them, but I can’t really say for anybody else. I’ve always been expressive of them too. Put in the simplest way, it’s like the transition between saying “lmao words can’t hurt” and then one day acknowledging “words are meaningful and important.” From cold to sympathetic. How does one make that kind of transition?

I considered how I should approach this. I see now that they’re the thinking, feeling, intelligent people that they are. I don’t doubt that people have a mind of their own, but there’s a certain genuine “I really can’t say for sure” quality to my feeling about it. These days, I do try my best to embrace the assumption that all people are thinking, feeling, and intelligent but perhaps struggle to show it for some reason or another. So where was that when we were kids? I ask this not necessarily to understand our relationships with each other or get some kind of closure, but so that I can maybe do the right thing with the people I meet in the future. I want you to keep that line in mind: with the assumption I’m making that people are thinking, feeling, and intelligent, but fail to show it, I am also making the assumption that they are living a sort of tortured existence like wanting to scream but not having a mouth.

So I asked them in plain simple words. “When we were young, I often viewed you as edgy and short-sighted. You never had any concern with the big ideas like connection or meaning. Was that really the case? Can you tell me what you were thinking then, now that we’re mature enough to talk about it?”

Let me give some background about my own character before I jump into theirs. I think that while I was diligent in my own efforts of articulating my feelings to others as a kid, I don’t mean to suggest that I was a sympathetic character in my own story. It simply is what it is. I believe that my intentions were good, but I lacked the necessary experience and soundness of mind to really be a reliable individual. Struggling with my own issues, I was still as unstable as anybody else and prone to lashing out in frustrations that didn’t help the situation.

I was very much so the “I am 14 and this is deep” type. Kind of obnoxious, yeah, but I don’t regret it. Think about somebody who takes Kingdom Hearts seriously. Christ. It was kind of edgy, but I think it invited sympathy. I ate up media that was full of sob stories. Games, movies, books. I really romanticized heartache and kinda turned my nose up to things that lacked substance. Not to mention, I struggled with loneliness as I had a lot of feelings that I tried to share with people but only found rejection. Y’know, since that kind of person is a real bummer. I’m talking about it in a somewhat dismissive way, but I really do think that teenage heartache deserves respect. I respect children and the difficulties of growing up. So when I talk about myself and my friend, I think it does warrant serious consideration as a human experience beyond simple entertainment.

My friend says he was concerned with those bigger ideas. However, wracked with his own insecurities, he never had the confidence to stake his ideas. He even mentioned getting mooshed back into his box after trying to take part in a discussion with a mutual friend and me once. You know the meme. We insulted his intelligence on the one rare opportunity that he did try to reach out. So even while I was trying to coax expression from him as kids, my own volatility did some damage. Looking back, I see other opportunities where he did express some degree of vulnerability and while I appreciated them, I don’t think I gave them the recognition that they deserved. I was interested in the idea of emotional vulnerability, but I wasn’t entirely equipped to deal with it.

To give you an example of both of those at once, I remember this enormous moment in our relationship with one another. I was talking with a mutual friend about something. I can’t remember what it was. Something like starving children in Africa. Again, I was 14 and this was deep. Have mercy on me. My friend made a comment about it that apparently didn’t strike me in a good way, so in a VERY exasperated way, I told him straight to his face, “Alright, I get it. You don’t give a shit about people. You don’t have a soul.”

I had apparently done this a few times in the past because at this point, I was tired of our interactions. This is the volatility I was talking about. Where my rejected attempts at bonding on that level had been repeatedly met with rejection, I had become aggressively dispassionate with him. But he didn’t take it this time. He didn’t react violently either. I just remember in a moment of lucid clarity that I had rarely seen, he told me that every time I accused him of lacking heart, it was a very subtle needling to him that very subtly grew to really piss him off. He wasn’t loud or aggressive. He simply articulated that he was deeply bothered by that.

I never said it to him again.

Looking back, I think that was exactly the kind of thing I was looking for. If I had heard this kid say that back then, I would’ve thought all the world about him. That minor act of expressing your discomfort articulately without anger is an act deserving of the highest respect. I didn’t stop out of intimidation, but I suppose I did respect that expression even though I can’t remember thinking too much about it later on. Though clearly it made quite the impression that I remember it a decade later.

With his explanation about the insecurities and this fond moment giving me more than enough evidence that it was exactly as he described, I felt somewhat validated in my belief that my assumption was correct. He was thinking, feeling, and intelligent but never really showed it. And maybe, we weren’t so different after all. Both just lonely with our thoughts and feelings. I talked to people about my feelings even if they weren’t always well received. I asked him, “Did you have anybody to talk to about this? Anybody at all?” He didn’t. It really does strike me as a sort of negligence that kids have to grow up this way. And a reminder, I’m telling you all this not so that I can get closure for myself, but because I have a dream for the future generations. 

It makes you wonder though, doesn’t it? I was one of those students in the “Gifted And Talented Education” program where I remember that the theory of the class was to foster all sorts of growth in children who seemed exemplary. What stands out was that it wasn’t just fostering raw intellectual strength, but emotional intelligence too. I did well in school before I discovered the internet in middle school, so I assume that’s why I landed in there.

I’m not telling you this to jerk myself off like some kind of idiot who peaked in elementary school. I’m telling you this because I believe my friend was every bit as thinking, feeling, and intelligent as I was, why the fuck were these qualities not being fostered in him as well? It didn’t show up on paper exams? Maybe he didn’t demonstrate it, but did the system just overlooked him because they had a different assumption? He was just a kid who needed someone to foster these qualities in him as well.

They assume differently, and he was alone.

Sure, I tried to make that contact as a kid and he was alone all the same.

Despite this, it’s unbearable for me to think that it couldn’t have been different. We had good times, fond memories, and we both grew up healthy and well (I guess), but it feels like a failure at every level for my friend for the most important part of his being at one of the most vulnerable periods of his life. I was a child so it’s arrogance to think that he was my responsibility, but I’m an adult now and that’s where it counts for kids. They need to see it in their authority figures.

The outcome in this case was fine, but the principle of the matter is what bothers me. The schools, the family, and friends all came up short. Coming up short came out in the wash, but outcomes vary… and so do the severity of the consequences. If I thought less of people, it wouldn’t bother me as much as it does, but that’s not what my assumption is about.

I’m lazy and selfish, but the absurdity of emotional isolation despite the ubiquity of the experience troubles me. I want to believe in our mutual humanity. I keep an eye out these days for those subtle signs of character in others so that I can cling onto that shred of hope, if not just to feel a little less lonely myself.

[bomba-chaya]

Noise Cancelling Headphones on the job

In the technology race dev world everyone wears headphones. Coders, artists, designers, producers, testers, etc. These headphones are available in various shapes, sizes, and styles. In-ear, over-ear, open, closed, cheap, expensive, wireless. Yet you almost never see active noise cancelling headphones.

The Nice Lie Noise cancelling headphones hit the patron market about fifteen years ago. Most people have seen them around and so are loosely familiar with the way that they work. Microphones acquire external sound, airplane engines including, along with the headphones playback a phase-shifted wave to cancel out the background noise. The nice lie that we have all is because don’t effectively work within the office. I’m here to put the record straight and say they absolutely do.

A Few Days Review Yesterday morning I finally bit the bullet and ordered a $300 number of Bose QC15 . Quite pricey however the internet was unanimous that they provde the best noise cancellation. After you assemble the headphones on, without the need of music, and flip the switch is weird. Your eardrums they’re under extra pressure. This makes me wish to pop my ears. Reactions mild nuisance fully unbearable. With music playing it’s for the majority of people.

flip the switch to enable active noise canceling headphones you can expect to immediately stop hearing sounds you didn’t have any idea you're hearing. AC vents, whirling case fans, and the only thing styles of little sounds. The consequence is easily apparent and quite cool. Three Factor Cancellation What won’t happen is total silence. Might even hear clicking keyboards and nearby conversations. However music most will wash away. What you must understand opting tends to be that stopping external noise is actually a multi-stage process. The headphones are closed which provides decent passive cancellation. It’s a gentle but noticeable effect. All sound is muffled, but highs are blocked. Active noise cancellation best handles ambient sounds and lows. This could cause sense given the popular airplane use case.

That leaves the mids. That has been the stove voices fall under. I acquired these headphones exclusively to help you contend with the half dozen conversations that surround my desk every day whenever people get back together from lunch. Much i'm happy to report once music is fired up tenacious distractions are eliminated. The triple passive cancellation, active cancellation, and music is quite remarkable.

It doesn’t even need to be loud music. Sometimes the programmers listen to techno because we should. It’s the sole damn way to block everything out and focus. Classical music can offer problems because it’s often loaded with very quiet, or else silent, sections. During those moments I’d hear the many office chatter and lose my train of thought. Considering that doesn’t happen. I'll even listen ambient tracks which include ocean waves, rainstorms, etc.

Quality Of Sound Headphones with great noise cancellation but crap audio playback aren’t worth owning. Fortunately the Bose QC15 sound great! For being perfectly honest I’m great judge of audio quality. I wore a great set of two ~$200 Sennheisers for years. When Howard, Uber’s composer/audio guy, tried my pair he ripped them disgust. I think he got genuinely upset once I wanted him to supply them a 2nd shot inside a quieter environment. Much amazed to discover Howard’s writeup on the Bose set was extremely positive. If it’s suitable for him then it’s adequate for my situation.

Misc Thoughts minor problems with Bose headphones. a AAA battery to power the noise cancellation in case that battery dies . It’s nothing. I don’t know why they can’t work being a normal pair of headphones without having any battery. In my use case it’s an excellent deal breaker. The cable is in addition quite short. purchase an extension to comfortably inside my desk. You will discover naturally other choices. The Bose QC15 stands out as the only set I’ve employed for any amount of time. The cheaper Audio-Technica set can be what taught me to order the Bose. A co-worker includes a pair and A very short time was enough to convince me noise cancelling at work.

Conclusions The end result is that noise cancelling headphones are employed in work. . I recommend everyone trying for any hour. If it enables you to even 5% more lucrative then a $300 price will cover itself in no time.